My Thoughts

Sometimes, often at night, I feel alone. Although, I am not quite alone - I have a dozen or more friends and a few besties, just one text and a few hours of waiting away. But I seek for someone like the movies. Perhaps a soul mate, perhaps a BFF, so I am someone to someone. It might very well be, my dwindling off to craziness. But then again, in matters of the heart, the mind has but a little say.

I have never typed this story, perhaps for the public fear of people getting to know it. But knowing very well that this blog is not read without an Instagram post, I shall write it here.

I had a crush once, and sometimes wonder if I still do. It started when I joined this school in 7th, she was pretty- just became prettier. Gosh, it seems pity on my side on typing this, but I want to let this out - put my story somewhere in this world. So, me being the introverted, "prudential" student I was, dismissed the thought has trivial. And during tbe online classes, we were in the same club - and I would look forward to all it's meetings. And then came 10th. BOARD exam year, pretty stressful, but more than that, I couldn't keep this in myself. Damn, I was so into it that, as an orator, I sturred when I saw her in the audience. A man has just so must self control before he eventually speaks to someone. So I told a few people, who told a few more and then she got to know it. I still vividly recall, it was during Onam that I proposed. Yes, my very first proposal - I went directly and spoke out what I felt. She said she will think about it. Next day, was my birthday, and I got rejected by thr person I had a crush for 3 years or so. And I didn't cry. Well not in public at least, I let out my tears in my bedroom. That was the time, I neither had a bestie nor a person who I would vent out to. I had to deal with it myself. And the story goes on, after a dozen days or so. She comes back and says let's give it a try. I said yes, the next day we...yes WE, together wall around the school. But then, later that day, after I had won a readathon competition, it was games period and I went to her. There were almost a lot of people around and I recall own of my friend telling me not to come. But then again, I went ahead to talk to her, she tells me to take a walk with her and then proceeds to tell me that she likes someone else. Was my whole world destroyed in that moment ? Maybe, I don't remember. But what I do remember is that, I didn't cry then too, I agreed. Maybe it was stupid, maybe a little bit of drama was in demand, but I respected her choice and said her not to worry. I don't regret that. My life moved on, I learned to live with this, and the funny thing was, I still liked her after all this. In fact, I cried in 11th, thinking that I accidentally made her cry.....

There is a lot more to this, but today as my 12th farewell, I dedicate this post to her...because my life, whatever it be, has to have this in its story. This blog is my music, and this story is a part of it....

UPDATE:- 

Whew, time for a long waited update on this ehh ? Well its 7th Sept 2025 n rn I am in IIT Tp. Well well dated again furing July 5th I propose online and we met on 14th July....EE HELD HANDS THEN !!!!😚😙🤭🤗....but unfortunately for me, NEET results came the next evening and she was really tensed so we broke up🥲🥲🥲🥲😭....(oscillatory motion or wah )...anyways here I am like an idiot writing this byeee

(If you reader, need to clarify anything with this, please message me personally rather than speculating )

PS UPDATE: 

Shit happened, still liked her but had to tell her I dont have feelings 101%🥲🥲.  God knows whats gonna happen in my love life, at this point its frecking undefined. Oh help me. Anyways, writing this while eating papayas hopefully good stuff happens soon this vaca and I finally get her or find someone else. Am I yearning ? Yes. Am I a hopeless romantic ? Yes. Oh well thats me, cant change the way I feel for the world ryt ? 

So ggs gng...byee byee